“Does marriage counseling work? My wife and I have attempted seeing a marriage counselor for the previous handful of weeks, but it doesn’t seem like it is undertaking anything… What am I performing incorrect?”
If you’re like lots of of the lost and confused husbands in the 21st century, then you have already tried the most generally prescribed remedy to any marriage difficulty, i.e. marriage counseling.
I never know when it became such frequent practice, but somehow the go-to remedy for any and all complications that could plague a marriage (separation, loss of passion, divorce, infidelity, lack of communication, etc.), the most prominent and widely assistance that you are going to get is “have you tried marriage counseling?”
You would consider that such a booming and reliable market would be so hugely suggested for the reason that of its high results price, correct? In other words, marriage counseling is so popular mainly because it has a history of legitimately fixing the marriage troubles that plague so numerous relationships these days, suitable?
Incorrect!
Did you know that…
Marriage Counseling has the Highest Failure Rate of Any Therapy
Yup, marriage counseling and marriage counselors have the lowest success price of any other counseling or therapy associated field.
So, does marriage counseling function? I would say ‘not even close’.
* Drug addicts in rehab have a higher good results rate than marriage counselors
* Alcoholics in AA have a greater good results price than marriage counselors
* Anger management therapy has a greater good results price than marriage counselors
* Even the prison counseling programs for murderers, rapists and other criminals have a higher achievement price than marriage counseling
You would assume that for up to $200 per hour there’d be some sort of assure that you’d see outcomes in your marriage, but this is absolutely not the case. Marriage counseling DOES NOT Operate for most couples, and marriage counseling good results prices are surprisingly low (less than 25%).
There is a variety of couple that can advantage from marriage and family counseling, but it is the exception, not the rule. Most marriage counselors do not successfully address the correct challenges that are leaving you and your wife ‘unfulfilled in our marriage’.
Does Marriage Counseling Work? Do We Have the Highest Divorce Rates, Ever?
Admittedly, according to recent statistics, the divorce rate in America has ultimately come to somewhat of a plateau in the past couple years simply because significantly less people today are receiving married, so there are much less couples to divorce.
But nonetheless, in the past ten – 25 years divorce rates have sky rocketed, and I want you to truly believe about this for a minute… Doesn’t it look strange that the rise in divorce prices correlates just about directly with the thriving marriage counseling industry? Some could possibly argue that this makes sense since much more divorces require extra marriage counseling, but what if the true source of the difficulty wasn’t essentially divorce, but the total ineffectiveness, even counter-productivity, of marriage counseling?
I’ll tell you an instance of this – My personal parents are divorced. They have been married for more than 20 years, and they tried every thing in the book to save their marriage. They attempted not 1, not two, not three, not four, but 5 different marriage counselors more than the course of 10 YEARS, and not a single a single of them did anything to save their marriage.
In reality, the marriage only ever got worse due to the fact my parents became frustrated with their lack of progress, and that frustration led to even a lot more issues in the marriage.
In other words, marriage counseling added fuel to the fire, and it poisoned my parents’ marriage.
Now, I am not saying that all marriage counselors are comprehensive quacks, but a surprising amount of them are. Their marriage counseling techniques and methods are based on theory, conjecture and textbooks, not actual romantic or human expertise or even on thriving marriages.
Lots of Marriage Therapists Lack Proven or Relevant Expertise
This could most likely be stated about numerous therapy associated fields, but I feel that it is specially true in marriage counseling. I know of many marriage counselors who have in fact gone by means of a divorce, but continue to teach other individuals how to repair their marriage. Clearly these people today have no notion what essentially works if they can not even save their personal marriage, so why would you trust them to save yours?
Again, I never want to make any overly broad generalizations here, but I do really feel like the marriage counseling field has turn out to be equivalent with divorce attorneys… It’s just one more cog in the machine top to the simultaneous degradation and capitalization of marriage in America. I imply, from a price tag standpoint they are both highly-priced… It will run you about $400 for an hour to speak on the telephone with a divorce attorney, and a single marriage counseling session will normally expense you at least $one hundred, and much more for a ‘good’ one particular.
These are people today that know you are desperate and are willing to take advantage of that are their personal gain.
Feel about it, if you were genuinely passionate about helping men and women and saving marriages, would you demand $300 per session for anything that you have not even seen regularly yield outcomes? I am not saying it really is morally incorrect to charge a lot of cash for your solutions, but when there is so much income involved it’s only all-natural to question correct motives, specifically without the need of final results to justify a higher price tag.
Believe about it, most marriage counselors advise at least ten sessions to see benefits in your marriage, which means you happen to be dropping $1,000 to $two,000 on entirely unproven strategies and methods.
Which brings me to the implied second aspect of our original query… Does marriage counseling work, and why or why not?
And to me, this is what appears to be the reason most marriage counselors fail:
Most Marriage Counselors Have Been Trained To Analyze Difficulties, Not Build Solutions
This is what I truly feel it comes down to… Every little thing that your typical marriage counselor has learned, and in turn every thing they teach you, was quite most likely written by a psychologist.
All those points that your marriage counselor tells you…
* “Just retain working at it”…
* “Communication is the key”…
* “Be much more open with each other”…
* “Begin having https://www.marriagecounselingnearme.org/scriptures-for-marriage-counseling/ “…
* “Date nights are the answer”…
* “Make her feel loved”…
All of those things are written in some text book someplace and that textbook was written by a psychologist. These are points that females assume they want, and they do when anything is already perfect, but they will NOT save your marriage.
These are all items you should be performing when your marriage is thriving, a lot more like traits of a productive marriage than actual tactics to fix a broken 1.
But You Can Clearly See Their Train of Believed…
A very good marriage has open communication, suitable? So it ‘makes sense’ that to repair a broken marriage you need to develop open communication, right?
A fantastic marriage has spouses who take pleasure in intimacy time with every single other, correct? So, it ‘makes sense’ to say that if you force intimacy time you’ll fix your marriage, correct?
But marriage isn’t backwards compatible like that… It doesn’t function for the reason that these logical solutions are NOT going to function when there is no feelings of attraction or emotional fondness behind them. So even if you’re going by way of the motions properly, there is no guarantee that you will basically fix your marriage.
In reality, if something you happen to be virtually assured to make it worse, simply because you are going to remind your wife how poor issues have to be that she can’t feel Anything even when you happen to be apparently attempting so hard.
Try to remember, attraction is the ONLY factor that will save your marriage. Without having attraction there is no emotional incentive driving your wife to come back to you… Logic, purpose, counseling, courses, books, rational methods and perseverance will not save your marriage. Feelings, emotion and passion will.
So, does couples counseling operate? Does marriage counseling function? I suppose I must let your personal experiences give you the definitive answer, but from all of my personal practical experience I would say that you happen to be far better off attempting to fix issues on your own than with a counselor.